A trip to Melbourne

9.4.2015 Day 99 of the #justlittlethingsblanket 

When I was 7, we drove to Melbourne to see the sights & some of Dad's family. We would all visit the beautiful National Heritage listed Rippon Lea Mansion and Gardens then the Melbourne Zoo. Ropes separated us from the fragile antiques, but we could see ornamental stained glass, elaborate embossed wallpapers and rugs and wander about the conservatories, ballroom and gardens.

My young cousin Dennis was running around behind the ropes kicking and jumping on the 150 plus year old antiques and running riot. His mother just let him do as he liked. Every now and then she just yelled out her husband's name in a high pitched, annoying voice, but he didn't do anything either!

The staff and my mother weren't happy about this behaviour, so mum ushered us all outside into the garden and pool area. A professional photographer had the fanciest camera and tripod I had ever seen by the pool's edge. Mum pointed him out and the pretty statues, spectacular decorations and the big wooden diving board.

The photographer leaned down to his bag and next thing we knew, Dennis was running full tilt towards the tripod. Just as he pulled his leg back to kick the camera into the deep end, Mum grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and carried him down the driveway, his feet kicking in the air. When my mum complained about his behaviour, far from thanking her for averting an expensive catastrophe, my aunt told my mum she was “too high strung”! We left Rippon Lea and headed off to the zoo.

Unfortunately things didn't get any better; anything Dennis could do wrong, he did. He yelled, threw rocks, branches and rubbish into exhibits and at the animals, and even kicked any animal he could get near. When he started throwing lots of gravel at the animals, my mother grabbed Dennis, lifted him up, dumped him into a nearby rubbish bin and calmly walked off, not looking back. D

ennis was surprised, but soon started throwing rubbish out of the bin while his mother complained. I stood there mouth hanging open as the fathers pulled Dennis out, but mum took no notice of anyone; she didn't care, she had had enough! 

Today's colours for the faded antiques of Rippon Lea.

Stop waiting. Start creating...

When I first got ill I waited to my discover mystery illness, I waited to get better and I waited to get back to my life. I put my life on 'hold'. I just existed and kept my face firmly turned back to the past, waiting to return. I had always had major health problems that I had overcome before, so why not now? 

After a diagnosis, I wasn't much wiser because so little was known, no one could give me anything but well meant suggestions and I knew no one with a chronic illness, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue or anything similar. There was no internet or groups to ask. The doctor said it was permanent though.

I didn't believe him. I still waited through another two years of trying to recover before I realised that I wasn't going to be able to return to 'normal programming'. I finally resigned from my job. I kept hoping for recovery, but I stopped waiting for it. I had to live!

It is important to differentiate between hope and not waiting. Hope means you believe that in the future things will change or improve. Waiting means you stop living the life you have now on the dream that you can return to the past. You can't return; that's why it's called the past.  

You CAN go forward. When you stop waiting and realise that today IS your life, you change your focus. You take your life off pause and starting living it. If you aren't facing the future, you aren't going anywhere. 

Start creating your life! Not waiting doesn't mean you give up hopes and dreams, just the opposite! It means taking a step forward. It means saying "Yes!" instead of  'Not yet'. A life on pause is a pretty boring thing: no sound, no picture, static. Don't wait, just watching your life pass by, it's happening now! 

Take it off pause and play! 

Just Little Things

I am creating a blanket in 2015 I call Just Little Things. Each day I crochet one granny square and write a story. The colours of the square represent a story or moment I want to remember or celebrate. 

This is an extract from the Just Little Things Blanket:


6.3.2015 Day 65 of my #justlittlethingsblanket 

Yesterday I had a medical appointment and then a haircut while Martin stocked up our supplies of tea. The orange boxes reminded me of a story so orange is for possums and green for fruit!  

One night I was woken from sleep by a Ker-thump! 


And then my 2 other housemates woke too. We switched on some lights and an orange furry thing sped past down the hallway. What the hell? I was teaching up north in a remote area of farms and had learnt that life was often very different here.

Someone yelled out, "It's a possum." It was indeed a big, orange, hairy possum with shifty, big buggy eyes and street smarts, um, farm smarts. We opened the big double doors at the front of the house and tried to get it to leave by walking towards it.  

Our offer was declined; he turned and made for the kitchen. Now as cute as some possums look this one was not. He was big and stinky. And possums poo on things when chased. There was a bowl of fruit on the dining table he'd been eating and he wasn't going anywhere. 

I grabbed a tennis racquet. House mate number one had a broom and number two was holding a hockey stick with a mean look in her eye that scared the heck out of me! We advanced with a plan. Me down the left, Broom down the right and Hockey Stick down the centre. All avenues were blocked by dishevelled women in their pyjamas, brandishing sporting or cleaning equipment in hand and ready for war.  

I think the possum knew the jig was up. He turned and left the building.  

And now we knew who was taking a bite out of the fruit in the fruit bowl. Hockey stick had rampaged accusingly one morning, "Look, stop taking one bite out of the fruit and putting it back in the bowl!" And now the Broom and I were vindicated. I did not poke my tongue out. I did not ask for an apology, I just turned and went to back bed. The possum was not the only crazy thing I was living with. 

The Power of Listening

Listening is undervalued. 

We are so busy doing, talking, texting, emailing, working and feeling compelled to do more because so much else is clamouring for attention. Sometimes in a conversation there are two people talking AT each other. Each is just waiting for the other to finish so they can speak. You may as well speak to a brick wall.


Sharing my story allows me to connect with you. Our heart and minds meet and we see that we are not so different from each other. We have ideas, dreams and problems in common. Deep down we are the same. The important part is being real and honest. Our real thoughts are part of us, floating out with excitement, worry, concern, humour and stories. 


When someone is sharing their story with me, it's not about my opinion or thoughts unless they are asked for. That is especially true when someone tells you they are in pain or depressed or ill. They are not asking you to fix it. Your first thought might be to offer advice, but it is more likely that they are asking you to acknowledge that you have heard and understood. They feel alone. 


Many chronically ill people feel ashamed or guilty for being ill. They feel like it's their fault. Do not add to that! Our society finds it easier to blame them for their illness or problem than to face the scary fact that accidents and illnesses happen and it is out of our control. I didn't ask to be poisoned. I didn't ask to be ill, it just happened. But I still feel guilty! 


So how about we practise listening to each other without judgement, well meant advice or fear and simply acknowledge we are all human beings with problems and concerns, hopes and dreams? I want to let you know you are not alone. Together we can help each other through the hard times and celebrate the good.

See the flowers...

Do not let what you cannot do interfere 

with what you can do.

 ~John Wooden

When I decided to do what I could and enjoy that, it made a difference in my life, in the quality and the happiness. Yes, I still get frustrated but by concentrating on the good things and noticing them I have more happiness. 

Not being able to do things IS frustrating. It can make you angry or depressed. If you concentrate on what you lack, your failures or faults and you criticise yourself you feel worse. At this point you cannot have a good day and nothing will go right! If you only look for the negative you are going to find it. You will see every tiny unhappy thing because that is what you are focused on. It's like being in a field of wild flowers and only seeing the weeds. Do you really want to fill your life with that? 

But what if you stop and look at everything you CAN do, all the things you know and all the abilities you take for granted? Think of all your good points and successes. Not only will you appreciate yourself more, you will be inspired to learn or experience MORE things. You will look for the good things, the possibilities, the small positive things in your day that before you missed because your head was too full of the negative.

The weird thing is sometimes I get so sick I can't do anything at all really and that MAKES me appreciate what I can do, even if it is small. There are many amazing things you can do, that you know or have experienced. Inside you are skills and abilities, thoughts and humour, love and life. Don't waste it. You are amazing. You have so much to offer. 

Yes, there are weeds, but see the flowers? They are dancing in the breeze. 

Hope you see flowers today,
Jane
aka Queen Babs

Plan For Happiness!

Arthur Ashe said “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” 

I apply that to thinking of things that can make me happy and healthy. Maybe it's just about doing the best I can. That seems like a pretty good goal to me.

Do you have a goal?

Do you have a goal? 

“Who you were, who you are and who you will be are three different people.”

I always thought I'd get married and have children and teach school or something like that. I didn't plan on getting ill or having traumatic things happen - who does? I think by my late 30s I had decided to just grow old without a partner with friends and family around me. ❤️ 

I never thought my life would have such twists and turns and adventure and pain and demands on my strength. If nothing bad had happened to me I don't think I would have understood or appreciated as much. Or that this would allow me to learn and grow and develop so that I realise there is so very much more to do in my life. Sometimes I feel like I am just beginning. ❤️ 

I have no idea where life will take me next, but it's exciting and scary all at the same time. I have no grand plans for the future just - 

1. Keep working on my health 

2. Live lovingly with my husband Martin 

3. Be creative 

4. Take opportunities that arise if I want to. 

5. Practise kindness and compassion. ❤️ 

Goals don't have to be big and grand, they just help you focus on what is important to you. Goals change with us as we change. Surviving each day IS a goal, but when you can raise your head and start looking up, think about what you might like to do. Small, short term goals are good for many of us.

Hang in there,

Jane

I like my flaws...

When I was growing up there were so many things I didn't like about myself. 

I was short, I was overweight, I was pale, I wasn't good at sport. I felt different from other people. I saw the world differentIy. I felt like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle in the wrong box. I just wasn't the same. 

Sometimes I tried to reshape myself, but this never worked. I always returned to my own odd jigsaw shape. I had to be me, everything else felt wrong. This feeling persisted through college. Sometimes it made me very unhappy and struggled with how I thought I should be versus how I truly was. The strange and wonderful thing was that some people enjoyed who I was, regardless of how I saw my imperfect edges and flaws. 

Even though I didn't always fit the surrounding picture, I stayed in my own shape and struggled on. I came to see that the puzzle sometimes changed around me and I made the picture different and interesting. The copycat pieces were bland, less interesting. They were like the jigsaw pieces heaped on the side because they would fit anywhere in their undistinguishable sameness.

The flaws were adding to the puzzle of life around me. I liked the variations, the odd and unusual, the interesting and bright. I searched these out in others and revelled in their fascinating uniqueness. I appreciated my own 'imperfections' more until I realised they weren't flaws, they were true, vivid, essential pieces of the puzzle, the pieces that made the picture worth looking at. And now I saw the world in its infinite variation, the 'flaws' and 'imperfections' made it beautiful and amazing. 

Almost ALL the pieces felt like they didn't fit, but they all had a place. No matter how each piece saw itself, it was part of the whole picture, essential and unique. The essence  of connection was in realising it fit, even if it could not see how quite yet. 

Be a part of the jigsaw,

Jane

aka Queen Babs

Simple ways to help yourself...

When I was first diagnosed with Fibromyalgia I had been very ill for over a year and having tests the whole time. The specialist said to me, " There's no cure, nothing we can do. When you get used to a pain level, the pain will increase each time. I don't need to see you again unless you get Rheumatoid arthritis. Good bye." 


I was shell shocked. I'd been expecting something: treatment, a cure, a pill of some kind. I drove home in shock. I felt alone and adrift. I'd never heard of fibromyalgia. Neither had anyone else. I cried. I didn't know what to do! I was also learning how to cope with Depression and I must have seemed a very different person from my previous happy, busy, hard working self.


I believed I would get better and be 'normal'. I put my life on hold for 3 years while I tried to get better. I found any information I could. I tried things they suggested. I also tried every non-traditional idea too. This will fix you, this will stop the pain, this, this, this!  I learnt everything the hard way. I don't recommend that.  What I do recommend if you are ill, traumatised, going through pain or a hard time is to learn as much as you can about it and reach out other to others experiencing the same. They will understand what you are going through. They will also have ideas or advice that may help.


When I found an online group with FMS, they gave me understanding, a shared bond. When I had some counselling/psychotherapy it helped too.  The Internet allowed me to read and analyse advice, medical research and big fat lies too. There are always people out there happy to make a buck off the vulnerable. If it sounds too good...it probably is.


I'm no expert, yet I find many things help me and most people too:

1. Pace yourself. Prioritise day by day and don't over do it.
2. Create an environment and a routine for getting sleep. 
3. Get rest - even if you can't sleep 
4. Eat healthily and keep hydrated.
5. Be kind to yourself. Learn to say No. 
6. Get a hobby. Find things you love and can do and do them! 
7. Try to get outside or in the sun, see they sky and trees.
8. Talk to people you like, who like you!

I am adding one more here from my friend Marleen:

9. Do not plan too far ahead. 

You might get disappointed in case things aren't possible. If you can continue on schedule, enjoy the moment, it's a gift! She adds that if you can't do as planned, then choose the next best thing and enjoy that one to the fullest. Good advice.


Remember things change. There will be good days and not so good days. But your life is not over! It isn't the same, but it's up to you to make the best of it. 

What am I worth?

What value am I? 

I have had Fibromyalgia and other illnesses for over 20 years. I can no longer do the things that many 'normal' people can do in a day: work, clean the house, shop, cook dinner. On a good day I can do something small. On a bad day when I am physically and mentally exhausted I may even need help to walk to the toilet or hold a cup of tea. 

I can't tell you when I will have a good day and at what time. It's unpredictable. On a good day I can do something for an hour or two. I went from a vibrant, energetic woman to one who sometimes cannot even go to the toilet without help. That is devastating.

In our society our value is measured by our job. The better the job, the higher the value. When we meet people we ask them "What do you do?" And so what value did I have if I couldn't work? Did I have some value even though I could no longer sell a kitchen appliance or clean a house? I felt useless.

I had to change my thinking. I had to find a way to value myself. How was I going to see my life when I felt useless? What was my role now? I decided to share my creativity and be the best 'me' I could be. I would be real, honest, open and find a way.

I looked at other friends with a similar life. I imagined what my life would be like without them in it. I realised that if people like myself weren't here, we would leave a big gap. We are the friend you talk to.  We listen. We help out were we can. We have learnt empathy and compassion through pain, illness and trauma. We look at the world from another angle. Our experience is different and that may give us insight worth listening to.

So what value am I? I am a good friend, a loving daughter, sister and aunty. I support my husband's passions. I crochet for fun. I help where I can. I practise kindness and hope that someone, somewhere will smile because I cared.

Our value is not in our jobs, the cleanliness of our toilets, the cars we buy or the handbags we own. It is not even in our faces or bodies. It is the people we are inside. 

A wise friend said: You don't value yourself by what you can do. You are valuable because of who you are. Thank you Graham. Spot on.

Strength comes from within...

Some days I really miss the old me.

It's as if that person is an old friend you haven't seen in ages, but remember with great fondness. Sometimes the pain of that is overwhelming. A deep sadness takes hold in my heart and I cry, grieving for what I have lost. That is normal and human. I don't think you get over a big loss in your life, but you learn to live with it. 

Loss and pain sculpts with a rough hand. Friendship and support helps you keep going, but when you get down to the nitty gritty plain truth, you have to do it by digging down deep within yourself and finding courage. You are stronger than you know. Braver than you know. You have things within you that you will never even know are there until you need them.

I won't lie and tell you challenges are easy. They aren't. But the fight IS worth it. Do what you need to do. Keep fighting. Don't give up! Learn to care for and love yourself. You will find a beauty that will astonish you. You will grow into a new person, one that has more inside them, a deeper, richer soul with an understanding of yourself and others.  

When people say you are brave, you won't think so. You might explain, there was no choice, you just had to do it. One foot in front of the other. But that is EXACTLY why you ARE brave. You accepted the obstacles and kept going.  

Loss can make us more compassionate, thoughtful, empathetic and less likely to judge others. It can make us kind, creative and inspiring. When you overcome what you never thought you could and use that experience to be a better person, then you are the stuff heroes are made of. You are amazing and you inspire me.

Keep going,

Jane 

aka Queen Babs