When I first got ill I waited to my discover mystery illness, I waited to get better and I waited to get back to my life. I put my life on 'hold'. I just existed and kept my face firmly turned back to the past, waiting to return. I had always had major health problems that I had overcome before, so why not now?
After a diagnosis, I wasn't much wiser because so little was known, no one could give me anything but well meant suggestions and I knew no one with a chronic illness, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue or anything similar. There was no internet or groups to ask. The doctor said it was permanent though.
I didn't believe him. I still waited through another two years of trying to recover before I realised that I wasn't going to be able to return to 'normal programming'. I finally resigned from my job. I kept hoping for recovery, but I stopped waiting for it. I had to live!
It is important to differentiate between hope and not waiting. Hope means you believe that in the future things will change or improve. Waiting means you stop living the life you have now on the dream that you can return to the past. You can't return; that's why it's called the past.
You CAN go forward. When you stop waiting and realise that today IS your life, you change your focus. You take your life off pause and starting living it. If you aren't facing the future, you aren't going anywhere.
Start creating your life! Not waiting doesn't mean you give up hopes and dreams, just the opposite! It means taking a step forward. It means saying "Yes!" instead of 'Not yet'. A life on pause is a pretty boring thing: no sound, no picture, static. Don't wait, just watching your life pass by, it's happening now!
Take it off pause and play!
Listening is undervalued.
We are so busy doing, talking, texting, emailing, working and feeling compelled to do more because so much else is clamouring for attention. Sometimes in a conversation there are two people talking AT each other. Each is just waiting for the other to finish so they can speak. You may as well speak to a brick wall.
Sharing my story allows me to connect with you. Our heart and minds meet and we see that we are not so different from each other. We have ideas, dreams and problems in common. Deep down we are the same. The important part is being real and honest. Our real thoughts are part of us, floating out with excitement, worry, concern, humour and stories.
When someone is sharing their story with me, it's not about my opinion or thoughts unless they are asked for. That is especially true when someone tells you they are in pain or depressed or ill. They are not asking you to fix it. Your first thought might be to offer advice, but it is more likely that they are asking you to acknowledge that you have heard and understood. They feel alone.
Many chronically ill people feel ashamed or guilty for being ill. They feel like it's their fault. Do not add to that! Our society finds it easier to blame them for their illness or problem than to face the scary fact that accidents and illnesses happen and it is out of our control. I didn't ask to be poisoned. I didn't ask to be ill, it just happened. But I still feel guilty!
So how about we practise listening to each other without judgement, well meant advice or fear and simply acknowledge we are all human beings with problems and concerns, hopes and dreams? I want to let you know you are not alone. Together we can help each other through the hard times and celebrate the good.
Some days I really miss the old me.
It's as if that person is an old friend you haven't seen in ages, but remember with great fondness. Sometimes the pain of that is overwhelming. A deep sadness takes hold in my heart and I cry, grieving for what I have lost. That is normal and human. I don't think you get over a big loss in your life, but you learn to live with it.
Loss and pain sculpts with a rough hand. Friendship and support helps you keep going, but when you get down to the nitty gritty plain truth, you have to do it by digging down deep within yourself and finding courage. You are stronger than you know. Braver than you know. You have things within you that you will never even know are there until you need them.
I won't lie and tell you challenges are easy. They aren't. But the fight IS worth it. Do what you need to do. Keep fighting. Don't give up! Learn to care for and love yourself. You will find a beauty that will astonish you. You will grow into a new person, one that has more inside them, a deeper, richer soul with an understanding of yourself and others.
When people say you are brave, you won't think so. You might explain, there was no choice, you just had to do it. One foot in front of the other. But that is EXACTLY why you ARE brave. You accepted the obstacles and kept going.
Loss can make us more compassionate, thoughtful, empathetic and less likely to judge others. It can make us kind, creative and inspiring. When you overcome what you never thought you could and use that experience to be a better person, then you are the stuff heroes are made of. You are amazing and you inspire me.
Keep going,
Jane
aka Queen Babs
