Stop waiting. Start creating...

When I first got ill I waited to my discover mystery illness, I waited to get better and I waited to get back to my life. I put my life on 'hold'. I just existed and kept my face firmly turned back to the past, waiting to return. I had always had major health problems that I had overcome before, so why not now? 

After a diagnosis, I wasn't much wiser because so little was known, no one could give me anything but well meant suggestions and I knew no one with a chronic illness, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue or anything similar. There was no internet or groups to ask. The doctor said it was permanent though.

I didn't believe him. I still waited through another two years of trying to recover before I realised that I wasn't going to be able to return to 'normal programming'. I finally resigned from my job. I kept hoping for recovery, but I stopped waiting for it. I had to live!

It is important to differentiate between hope and not waiting. Hope means you believe that in the future things will change or improve. Waiting means you stop living the life you have now on the dream that you can return to the past. You can't return; that's why it's called the past.  

You CAN go forward. When you stop waiting and realise that today IS your life, you change your focus. You take your life off pause and starting living it. If you aren't facing the future, you aren't going anywhere. 

Start creating your life! Not waiting doesn't mean you give up hopes and dreams, just the opposite! It means taking a step forward. It means saying "Yes!" instead of  'Not yet'. A life on pause is a pretty boring thing: no sound, no picture, static. Don't wait, just watching your life pass by, it's happening now! 

Take it off pause and play! 

I like my flaws...

When I was growing up there were so many things I didn't like about myself. 

I was short, I was overweight, I was pale, I wasn't good at sport. I felt different from other people. I saw the world differentIy. I felt like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle in the wrong box. I just wasn't the same. 

Sometimes I tried to reshape myself, but this never worked. I always returned to my own odd jigsaw shape. I had to be me, everything else felt wrong. This feeling persisted through college. Sometimes it made me very unhappy and struggled with how I thought I should be versus how I truly was. The strange and wonderful thing was that some people enjoyed who I was, regardless of how I saw my imperfect edges and flaws. 

Even though I didn't always fit the surrounding picture, I stayed in my own shape and struggled on. I came to see that the puzzle sometimes changed around me and I made the picture different and interesting. The copycat pieces were bland, less interesting. They were like the jigsaw pieces heaped on the side because they would fit anywhere in their undistinguishable sameness.

The flaws were adding to the puzzle of life around me. I liked the variations, the odd and unusual, the interesting and bright. I searched these out in others and revelled in their fascinating uniqueness. I appreciated my own 'imperfections' more until I realised they weren't flaws, they were true, vivid, essential pieces of the puzzle, the pieces that made the picture worth looking at. And now I saw the world in its infinite variation, the 'flaws' and 'imperfections' made it beautiful and amazing. 

Almost ALL the pieces felt like they didn't fit, but they all had a place. No matter how each piece saw itself, it was part of the whole picture, essential and unique. The essence  of connection was in realising it fit, even if it could not see how quite yet. 

Be a part of the jigsaw,

Jane

aka Queen Babs