When I first got ill I waited to my discover mystery illness, I waited to get better and I waited to get back to my life. I put my life on 'hold'. I just existed and kept my face firmly turned back to the past, waiting to return. I had always had major health problems that I had overcome before, so why not now?
After a diagnosis, I wasn't much wiser because so little was known, no one could give me anything but well meant suggestions and I knew no one with a chronic illness, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue or anything similar. There was no internet or groups to ask. The doctor said it was permanent though.
I didn't believe him. I still waited through another two years of trying to recover before I realised that I wasn't going to be able to return to 'normal programming'. I finally resigned from my job. I kept hoping for recovery, but I stopped waiting for it. I had to live!
It is important to differentiate between hope and not waiting. Hope means you believe that in the future things will change or improve. Waiting means you stop living the life you have now on the dream that you can return to the past. You can't return; that's why it's called the past.
You CAN go forward. When you stop waiting and realise that today IS your life, you change your focus. You take your life off pause and starting living it. If you aren't facing the future, you aren't going anywhere.
Start creating your life! Not waiting doesn't mean you give up hopes and dreams, just the opposite! It means taking a step forward. It means saying "Yes!" instead of 'Not yet'. A life on pause is a pretty boring thing: no sound, no picture, static. Don't wait, just watching your life pass by, it's happening now!
Take it off pause and play!
I have figure out that I was probably sick with Fibro and Lupus in my early teens. Of course, 40 years ago, no one knew what I had or if there was anything they could do to help. I just pushed myself everyday to get up, attend school and then when I married, I pushed myself to take care of the house and then the girls as they came along. I would be so tired sometimes that I seriously would have been able to stay in bed for a week. Of course, the sleep wouldn't have helped, but I didn't know that then. Fast forwarding to 1999 and when I had Laura. I was 39 and thought that I was so tired and run down because I had a newborn and 3 other girls to take care of. I finally got officially diagnosed with Fibro, Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Lyme's and Chronic Fatigue in 2006. I was just glad someone had finally figured out what had been going on with me all of those years!
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard some days to keep positive, but I really try. I know that there is so much of life that I missed out on. I also know that there are things that I will not be able to do, but there is still so much that I can do!!
Thank you so much Jane! You help me realize that all things are possible!
Hugs to you and Martin!
Deb